Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have aggressive nipples.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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