so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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