and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
