So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
