At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
