Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
