The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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