I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
