i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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