Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
