My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
