He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
