I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
