Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
