if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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