all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
