I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
