Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
