I hate all girls vehemently.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
