I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
