fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
