I puked a lego.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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