Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
