i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
