I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
FUCK WHALES
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
