just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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