when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
