Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
