wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
