so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
