Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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