I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
