peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
