I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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