Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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