Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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