i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she pinky promised me she was 18
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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