He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
found the other keg... it's in the tree
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
