i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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