Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There's always time for handjobs
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
