Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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