so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
