I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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