i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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