Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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