today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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