Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
