So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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