i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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