Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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