I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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