um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
