That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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