D3 body, D1 cock
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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