Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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