woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
