Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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